Are You Sure You're Ready?

If there is one question I look forward to leaving far behind me it's: "Are you sure you're ready to get married?"

First: Is anyone really ready? Marriage is the definition of selflessness. God calls us to esteem others more highly than we do ourselves, (Phil 2:3) and if there's anything I do especially poorly, it's not putting myself first in all things. I'm willing to give it a shot though. Nobody's perfect at a thing they have never tried, and I would rather strive to love my wife and lead my family to the best of my ability and with God's grace than just not do it because I want to wait until I have more "life experience."

Second: What is the alternative? Ok Mr question asker: what would you suggest? I want to get married to share my life with the woman that I love, to solidify my commitment to her, for both her comfort and mine, and to start my adult life from the beginning with her. I am not interested in waiting, because what the heck am I waiting for? I have found a woman that I love, I know I want to have her stick around from now on, so what else is there to wait and see about? To make sure I'm sure? This line of thought annoys me more than any because it's always about the asker and never about the person being asked.

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Gen 2:24

The world has is backwards. People want to have the commitment and security of marriage, and the freedom and ability to "move on" of singleness. You are to meet someone, and do all the things that married people do, so that you can make sure you are good together, and then you decide to be together. Have sex, live together, share money, and have babies. We have to be sure that we can handle life before we commit. I say that it's silly, immature, and irresponsible to do anything other than get married early. Suck on that, world.

Men should be eagerly searching for their wife as early on as they can be. Instead we're playing video games, watching box sets of TV series and consuming large quantities of beer, mt dew, and pizza. We should be seeking God's wisdom and direction in the kind of woman to marry, instead we trust in our humanistic experience (because that always goes well for us, hah) to lead us to the right kind of woman. We are to save a sexual relationship until marriage, and instead we want to make sure we like it with this person, or an even dumber reason: we just want to do what we want to do. If you're not ready to be married, you need to grow up, be a man, and repent of your selfishness before God.

Some people are spiritually gifted for singleness, and some God is keeping single for seasons in their life, and those people I'm not talking about. I'm talking about those people that want to look and act married, without actually being married.

So I thank God for his provision in my life; for a fiancee and for the direction He is leading me. I may not be grown up, and I may be immature, but my desire is to grow up with a wife that loves me and me her, and to mature in Christ together as a family. Am I ready?

I can't wait. 

A Man's Environment

"But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among the saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure or who is covetous (that is, an idolator) has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore, do not become partners with them; for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord." (Eph 5:3-8. emphasis mine)

Before I say anything, I'm not in the habit of making one thing a hill to die on. Anything that we raise above the headship of Christ in our lives is an idol. That said, here goes: 

What I believe is choking the spiritual development of American men today has a lot to do with the duplicity of their lives. We have multiple personalities, those men we are with the ladies, with the guys, at work, at home, with our grandparents, and so on. 

Men are not created differently now than they were 10 years ago, 50 years ago, or 1,000 years ago. Most of the problem (myself included) shows itself when we try and look backward at the last generation for guidance. We assume that those before know better. The truth of it is we can't discern our own way through the mistakes of the past. We can't navigate an unknown road blindfolded and only being allowed information on where we've been. 

We use those we know, either co-workers, or well meaning friends to tell us what right looks like. Between that, and listening to our own flesh, we've managed to create what has been described to me as a "man's environment."

For those unfamiliar with the "man's environment," it is a place where slander, swearing, crudeness, and filthy language prevail. Think men's high school locker room. Think men on a fishing, hiking, any kind of trip. The man's environment is where it is just ok to relax our morals. Its the man most men don't let their wives see. The same man that wouldn't appreciate the idea of his kids seeing him in his "man's environment." 

But it's painfully obvious that God does not allow us to "just be men." On the contrary, he requires that we are more than just men, that we put on Christ. I enjoy a good list as much as any Baptist, but the real point I'm trying to make is this: the measure of a man's heart can be found in what he does most naturally. 

So here it is: God desires for us to be one man, covered in the blood of Christ, redeemed and full of thanksgiving for the new life that he provides through faith alone. This man is not interested in blending in to the world, because light is not able to blend in to darkness. All He is asking for is consistency, and even simpler than that, he is asking us to recognize that we are unable to reign it in on our own. We need Jesus, and we need salvation, because in and of ourselves we are going to be multi-sided men who strive to be everything to everybody, failing on all counts (sooner or later). 

Paul says that anyone who is an idolator will not inherit the kingdom. It's time to lay your cards on the table. What is it that you compartmentalize in your life? Is it worth hanging on to, compared to the promise of salvation? What is it that you raise above your relationship with God? When will you stop explaining yourself, and realize that God knows you better than any of your excuses? Repent and believe that He is good!

Expectations

I love working with the youth. It keeps it interesting. We spoke about something last night that was pretty close to my heart; that of missionaries and their expectations for the Christian life. The problem we face as believers in the states is that we drastically underestimate our Father, because that's the way we've always done it. We've formed our expectations of how God should act and work and move in our hearts, because we've built our church around our religion, not our trust in the spirit and our faith in the Living God.

I've been on a few mission trips over the years, and what I can always say when I get back is the people living amongst the lost are incredible. You can see the Holy Spirit in everything they do, and it's humbling. The norm that I've built up in my head, the quota for every day that proves to myself that I'm a "good" christian are destroyed when I meet people actually living like God intends us all to live.

I know it's tough to hammer out the word in our lives, but I think that just our expectation of that is part of the problem. It's not our job to work out how to be better christians, but to to just learn to listen. I spend the majority of my time trying to take the reigns from God, and sometimes he even pretends to let me.

I was at work the other day, and my boss's granddaughter came in. She was really cute, and he had her in his lap and she was making noises and at one point she grabbed a sharpie and with the cap on, leaned over the paper and looked as if she was hard at work. I'm like that 1 year old, that keeps believing that my way is better than his way. The truth is that my boss was still behind her, keeping her from falling off his lap, making sure she didn't eat the pen, and generally keeping her from wrecking herself.

Mentally, most christians are tiny children in their actions and thoughts about spirituality, whether American or not. I don't listen to God because I don't know what to expect if I do. How do I change my life and relinquish control to the sandcastle that I've so carefully built? More importantly, I have to understand that I am not the center, and end all of my life. My finances are not going to dictate my future, nor is my relationship with those around me, or my popularity with those at work or anywhere else. God holds my future before me, and if I would just unclench and open my eyes, and trust Him who made and saved me,  what would happen?

"To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul. 

O my god, in you I trust;

let me not be put to shame;

let not my enemies exult over me. 

Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame;

they shall be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous. 

Make me to know your ways, O LORD;

teach me your paths.

Lead me in your truth and teach me.

for you are the God of my salvation;

for you I wait all day long. 

Remember your mercy, O LORD, and your steadfast love,

for they have been from of old. 

Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions;

according to your steadfast love remember me,

for the sake of your goodness, o LORD!

Good and upright is the LORD;

therefore he instructs sinners in the way. 

He leads the humble in what is right,

and teaches the humble his way.

All the paths of the LORD are steadfast love and testimonies.

For your name's sake, O LORD, 

pardon my guilt, for it is great.

Who is the man who fears the LORD?

Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose. "

Psalm 25:1-12